Askance

…the ones that come and went

and the ones that are here and not

In silent witness those that talk

with forget-me-not touches and we-are-here gestures.

Pulled by the whats-not-here

Reaching out for whats-not-yet (but for sure is, ay?)

that which my heart knows and now these reiterate I do

While in pursuit with unseeing eyes but a knowing heart

the senses in twisted connections, keeping and showing from without

that which is within.

I and Other-than-I

I and other-than-I had a tiff

I said I need to be in caps {leter}

Other-than-I said, it is okay to be in small {letter}

Between the two Pause took turns to look at the two;

they will eventually find a balance tension

and then Pause can be in the presence of both

without having to look at either. Peace.

..and then again

I will look at you and decide if you are doing fine or not

I am the comparison against which you can be or not

I am the measure against which how well you are

Other-than-I wondered who am I then

Unless I do other-than-I things, I will never know

and then I will know who is I and who is other-than-I — You.

..and another one

..through many a winding path

but if you have faith and stay long enough

you may come upon that which you may not have thought of

but which when encountered would change you subtly

enough to have you be ready for the next stage in life

and that is just a milestone – another milestone

…on an infinite journey

Published in: on June 17, 2020 at 10:59 am  Leave a Comment  

The fish who chooses to become humane

Photo by Jasper Garratt on Unsplash

Our breath is pretty much what keeps us amongst the living. Why would I not be aware of my breath that is so fundamental to being alive? Why am I afraid of the dark, even the unknown within me, even though it is just me inside, right? Am I afraid of my breath because of which I am not aware of it, except when necessary to survive or when I cant breathe? Why would I be afraid of my breath? Does it pain to breathe? Is it uncomfortable the pressure when breathing? Or is it uncomfortable to just be aware of the fact of being alive and of what ‘being alive’ would mean? Does it take more to ‘be alive’ than ‘just am amongst the living, whats there to think about it?’ The dying would give anything to be amongst the living for it is what dies when one is alive that truly wants to have been cared enough about. It is perhaps then the tension between birth and death that keeps us alive. The tension between why to live versus why to die. It is only the dead that goes through pain to experience other than what is familiar. Why exactly does a mother go through pain during labor? The obvious is that the baby is bigger than the birthing canal and so is in pain itself in what it takes to move through the narrow canal, and the mother needs to accommodate for the discomfort of this thing that causes pain in the area of the body that is hitherto kept private and personal but is also a thing that has been dearly carried around for months and so is a love-hate/bitter-sweet experience? The less obvious reason is that the mother is born when the baby is born until which time she was just a woman or female depending on what she considered herself and hence she is in labor pain because the mother is borning into life {as in active, not passive, ever-alert, cannot be tired or be less watchful for what the next moment brings from this new thing that was born from her body and is breathing completely unaware of what is safe and not} from the hitherto dead to life {in such terms as described above} in degrees. So, that would mean that a mother is more awake than others and dont know what to do with her motherness when she is not mothering or how to be a woman again because she remains flabby in her body after awakening {giving birth to the living thing that was inside her until then}, firming up only in accordance with her baby’s needs as it grows up. Unless, of course, she goes through repeated labor pain in being and becoming {borning into newer aspects of herself as she births newer possibilities while also watching out for the life that was born from her body} for which she needs to breathe and be fine with the pain of borning/birthing herself. A baby when immediately out of the mother’s body is expected to cry. It is painful for it when air enters lungs for the first time that the baby needs to wail out in discomfort but that is what it takes to be amongst the living, like the mermaid who wished to be on land but had to walk on legs that stung as needles {ref: the fairy tale of The little mermaid}. That is a price she was willing to pay for being on land failing which she would be foam on the sea and needs to be born again, to try again, like the rain that is basically droplets of water that vapour’d and then rained into small water bodies then birched up {ref: Birches by Robert Frost} and rained again into bigger water bodies as it grew wiser and the Ocean is afar and not seen yet for the fish needs to learn how to live on land before it can rain into the Ocean and be as big as it. But, then, the Ocean is just a drop as is any water body. The fish still needs to learn how to walk on land to be in this Ocean.

The following is the original I wrote, which when attempted to be more understandable to someone unfamiliar with my alienese {my turn of phrase/way of expressing} became the above lengthy paragraph. I would love to know which was better – the original or the explained? (this question sounds like the one Pi {ref: Life of Pi} asks the interviewer towards the end of the movie, that there were two stories said; which one do you prefer?)

Why would I be afraid of my breath? It is only the dead that goes through pain to experience other than what is familiar. Why exactly does a mother go through pain during labor..because the mother is borning from the hitherto dead to life, so that would mean that a mother is more awake than others and dont know what to do with her motherness when she is not mothering or how to be a woman again because she remains flabby after awakening firming up only in accordance with her baby unless she goes through repeated labor pain for which she needs to breathe and be fine with the pain of borning. It is painful when air enters lungs for the first time that the baby needs to wail out in discomfort but that is what it takes to be amongst the living, like the mermaid who wished to be on land but had to walk on legs that stung as needles but is a price she pays for being on land failing which she would be foam on the sea to be born again to try again – the Ocean is afar – and not seen yet how to live as a fish on land.

Published in: on June 9, 2020 at 7:10 am  Leave a Comment  

The find

We travel miles in search of comfort in togetherness when all the company one really needs is that of oneself. Without the comfort and ease in one’s own company, there is no ground in which to meet another at any level for one is already at flight; where is the grounding on which to say helo?

Published in: on March 12, 2020 at 3:41 pm  Leave a Comment  

Mooning the wonder

It seems to have been years since I mooned about the moon in the moonlight. In highschool, I thought of Krishna and his rasa with the gopis in the moonlight as described in Mr.Murthy(?)s “His magical flute.” I thought it was the same moon by whose light the rasa happened years ago. The healing moonlight with memories radiated down to us earthians by Moon who used to be part of Earth before she babied to have a perspective – an outside in or out-of-the-box reflection literally and figuratively and perhaps to have us have a dimension otherwise not possible by which to look at life and Life and have a perspective of who we are as individuals and collective in the schema of All That There Is and make our choices in light of this reflection.

Published in: on March 12, 2020 at 3:37 pm  Leave a Comment  

On relationships – food for thought

Relationships are a source for joy and sorrow, for eustress and distress. What if I am related to people only because I have something to do with them and am related only until the time that I have that thing to do with them in that moment? That all relationships are in their different states of health only because of how I interacted with them at the moments of contact and that they get better or worse on subsequent contacts, that if I have no work with them I don’t even have to think about them and they and I would be fine, and then it is a matter of whom do I care enough to contact again? That some people are addicted to being in contact and so constantly contact because they have nothing better to do or that those synapses have just not been thought of to be engaged elsewhere? That we sometimes have relationships because we have nothing better to do?

Published in: on February 20, 2020 at 3:12 pm  Leave a Comment  

Mirror, Mirror on the Wall

Today I looked at the mirror and a face stared back

with scalp streaking through the hair,

with grey peaking through the black,

with lines speaking the tales of how

they got there.

Today I looked at the mirror and eyes stared back

shining with a depth that wasn’t there before,

was there?

seeing me and mine

and what I didn’t see.

Today I looked in the mirror and found me again.

Published in: on January 23, 2020 at 6:15 pm  Leave a Comment  

I am yonder

There is a beat within the beat that beats the beat

Within that beat is I beating the beat

All else is outside me.

I have a ring that I beat.

All else is consequent to my beat.

I dance to my own beat.

Published in: on December 30, 2019 at 4:29 am  Leave a Comment  

Layers of silence

There are genres of songs not seen/heard for the depths of silence has not been explored, settling how most have been with a very few that somehow has been thought is/as the only colors of the rainbow. Whose loss is it?

Published in: on December 25, 2019 at 8:42 am  Leave a Comment  

Terabithiya – the bridge we need to find to get to.

Hello Dear People:

I share with you a realization that moves and inspires me into living and putting forth my best effort. It certainly is a reality that makes the world a better place to live in. Do let me know what you think. Tnx. (Do click on the link below, tnx).

Terabithiya – the country within

Published in: on July 13, 2019 at 1:27 am  Leave a Comment  

Poise – an achievement to work for

You freak out when things get worse and you freak out when things get better because both may simply be unfamiliar and it takes some getting used to and then sometimes normalization happens (of the worse or the better) until someone makes you aware of that which you took for granted (normalized) and then it becomes fresh again like this odd thing that you need to learn how to handle again, like a hot cup of coffee that you need to learn how to balance so that you can be cool as you hold this hot thing that they call poise. And then you become a little more ..mature?

Sometimes the most difficult to handle is ‘bigger than what I am now,’ whether worse or better, and then you need your tortoise or turtle neck sweater to dive into and peek-a-boo from until you feel safe again and venture out and try on this new something that showed up for size and fit and accept or discard.

Published in: on January 23, 2019 at 1:25 pm  Leave a Comment  
%d bloggers like this: