So, what’s your story?

Our stories make us. We draw upon and imbibe from stories around us or that which we are exposed to. Some of us actively expose ourselves to stories – those of us who know the value of will. We become the stories through gradual imbibation. We tell the dialogues (in our minds or through our mouths) from scripts taken from other stories (stories of other people, dialogues we are subjected to through everyday conversations with other people, stories from books, movies, lyrics, fairy tales, folklore, history) and the material colluded through mix n’ match to make our own narratives. Those of us who have deliberated on creating our own stories deliberate on eliminating plagiarism (by paying close attention to the stories that run through our minds and is uttered through our mouths) until the stories imbibed are distilled and the essence therefrom becomes part of the stories that we are. The fabric of the person keeps changing all through the process (our photographs from young childhood to adulthood is evidence of our material changing through development of our stories). Some of us deliberate on distilling our stories until there is just one story and the person becomes one story – embodied. We are all bits of information. What story are you?


Twilight zone

There is a place where the individual and the divine dine together
They serve ambrosia, which is between birth and death, and an assortment of textures
..for the child and elderly and every age in between.

The air is still and a whisper breezes not unheard
There is music in there with rhythms unborn and lyrics unworded
but music that enriches the deaf even

The waters well up from depths within,
of a texture someone between honey and warm water
The water within nourishes from within but imbues from without

It is rich in spirit, not bought with exchange of money ordinary
The gold here has shades of sweat and wisdom and transient for something richer
It is old wine for the discerning soul

It is not a place you go to but come to
It has always been there with its delicacies for the fine diner
Have you sipped from its cup yet? It is called life and its cup is full…waiting.

Published in: on September 29, 2016 at 5:57 am  Leave a Comment  

The sound of disillusion (in a voice, that is)

A bit raspy, bordering on sharp
like the edge of a knife
wanting to cut
that which caused another rosy veil
of trust to fall

{attempting to word indescribables in hopes of getting over expressive aphasia. Perhaps it is also part of why some people (I..I) have an artist’s block}

Published in: on March 17, 2016 at 11:02 pm  Leave a Comment  

Plurally singular!

I wanted to wordpress for a list of topics (promised to several people and some to myself), but as it happens, my GratitudeChallenge on Facebook has reached day 71 and I found me writing something that I thought was wordpressible. Here goes:

I am grateful to plural. If not for the oh-so-many types/kinds/varieties, I would never be able to appreciate the richness that singular is. It sure is a clever, superduper intelligent, wise, mammoth of a brain that created this thing called Universe (I must admit I am verrry doubtful about the ‘Uni-verse’ bit….why ‘uni’ when uni means one..does that imply a multi?…and why ‘verse’ when it could have been annny word of the dictionary?). Amazing, fantastic, absolutely loving the complexity and intricacy of this structure. Look anyway which and there is an rabbit hole (like the Alice in Wonderland kind) with lottss of loopholes visible to anyone who cares to look and soon I am in a jantar-mantar, finding my way through the rabbit hole of things! I always thought we are all born to have fun, born into a ‘world’ with lotts of playthings for all kinds of people. I did not know how right I could be (I still dont..but I am at a better dont-know state than before!) but interestingly as I go down the rabbit hole, I find that it becomes like a virtual video game which has levels (for want of a better analogy) and that farther levels require the player to be responsible and have integrity! Interesting game this..and it is serious fun (pun intended). If not for the plural, I would not probably have come to be thinking this. Grateful.

Happy New Year time!


Wish you all a joyously befitting end to 2015 and a great start to 2016.

Published in: on December 31, 2015 at 5:04 pm  Comments (2)  



So here I am pulling my noodles through concepts and ideas and information of many kinds, and trying to marshal them into strings of words that I occasionally post here, and Jan Stone nominates me for the Sunshine Blogger Award! Surprised and encouraged, but that is mostly over relief that somebody can understand what I type AND think it worthy enough for a nomination…and a Sunshine Blogger at that!  (I always thought me to be pathologically optimistic but I did not think any of that poured through to my writings, so I guess I was wrong. Clearly, I need to work on my self-esteem).

Now the rules for sunshine blogger award: 

  • Thank the blogger who nominated you for the award.
  • Display the banner /sticker /logo on your blog.
  • Share 7 facts or things about yourself.
  • Nominate 5 bloggers that you admire and inform nominees by commenting on their blog.

Checking off the to-do list:

  • I have thanked Jan for the nomination (I must admit it feels a bit awkward to mention that I thanked somebody on a blog post, almost as though announcing to the world an otherwise sacred act to be conducted person-to-person only of which a ‘sorry’ is another example).
  • Have displayed the banner/sticker/logo on this blog.
  • Share 7 facts or things about myself (I write this along the lines of ‘If you really knew me, you would know that…..’):  1) I have 2 professions – I work as a certified healthcare documentation specialist and am a Body Intelligence practitioner (certified Biodynamic Craniosacral Therapist or BCST).  I have a website ( that is yet to get the full blast of my thoughts and ideas but good enough to get some idea about BCST. I consider myself mostly a healing practitioner. 2) I consider myself at zero (so my name atxero) though I am named Bitha Sadanandan, coz I would like to place me at zero so that I have 100% of the way to go, so that I dont fall into the trap of presumption/prejudice and miss out on some really juice stuff en route with the ‘going’ basically being to realize a vision, which I am not ready to share in words yet. It is just something that inspires the heck out of me but also seems to be mushrooming into something so fantabulistic that it feels a bit like Alice in Wonderland, only this Alice has a sword to find through Wonderland (the Sword being Paulo Coelho’s idea of a worthy something to find for which a journey is embarked upon in his book, The Pilgrimage). Clearly, I have a quite an imagination, says me shyly. 3) I care very deeply. You wouldn’t know that from the kind of things that run through my head; you are most likely to think me to be scatterbrained, but I am not – there is a method to the madness :-). 4) I have embarked on a gratitude challenge (that started with a 21-day challenge but is now on the 38th day, gearing up for a 365-day span) and that is getting my juice out – having me take a good hard look at what I think as values, my principles, being absolutely honest with myself and basically having me face myself squarely and consequently the world that I inhabit. It questions the masks I donn and asks of me to remove them, and consequently open my heart to be touched, to give and receive. A churner, that one. Gratitude challenge indeed! 5) I love depth – in character mostly – in people, history, nature, thoughts, ventures. I also love purpose and look for meaning/constructivism (as against destructivism) through what is being brought forth. Having said that, I am not blind to the need to just express howsoever whatsoever for the sake of expression because it is just there to be expressed (as against suppressed) and I do see the beauty in it, but I just wished that people were healthy enough to be always mindful of what is being brought forth (and that is why I am a Body Intelligence practitioner! Its my job to inspire Life to health!). As you can see, I am also contradictory (but not actually – there is a method in this madness. Not scatterbrained. I wish they had smileys on WordPress). 6) I am learning to play the flute, and have an alternating hot-warm relationship with it. I am a bit daunted with the vastness of the world of music for a person who loves depth and vastness, and I am in the process of figuring out why. I dabble with colors sometimes but I am mostly in love with the black white and shades of gray through the graphite pencil. 7) I write long posts (duh) and have been attempting to precise write since a long time now but somehow words just dont get into the cuppyhole when I am trying to explain something that is difficult to express in words. I am increasingly attempting to describe the indescribable, which is also a means by which I keep myself challenged and straining against my horizons to keep expanding. With these 7 points, my self-esteem has had a nice workout – getting better already!
  • Nominate 5 bloggers that you admire and inform nominees by commenting on their blog: Stuart M. Perkins, Serendipity Point, A word, please, Fiesta Estrellas, Pohltry Rich people – rich in spirit and content whose thoughts I just have had the fortune to read. Jan Stone comes to this list too but she nominated me so I dont know if it works with a renomination. Sunshine Bloggers indeed! They bring hope, a seeing eye, a discerning eye, and throw a light (sunshine) on otherwise overlooked everydayness AND bring to light the not-everydayness.

Hope the reader sees this of their writings too!

Published in: on December 20, 2015 at 4:50 pm  Comments (2)  
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(Prelude: I have taken on a 365-day gratitude challenge (that started as a 21-day challenge but somehow found it beneficial enough to take it on for 365 days) that I have been posting on my Facebook page every day. I thought today’s was worth a wordpress.)

I am grateful to my shadow. The literal one sticks around me as long as there is light, so is a reminder that I have problems as long as I am in the wake of a possible, for each problem is seeking a solution that the ‘light’ has! Figuratively, my ‘shadow’ is my network following me around wherever I go (in Landmark Education terms), meaning the influences, patterns, beliefs, limitations, relationships and what not from life lived thus far, and this shadow enfolds within it the light-lessness and ‘forces’ that sabotage my progress, for it seeks that which my progress brings, only it clings onto me so strongly because it does not know any other way than to restrict me for fear of losing the familiar. I am grateful to my shadow, for within its fold is the strength and energy I need to make progress – strength and energy tightly held due to fear and whatsoever that keeps the limits in place for it knows not better, and needs all the light it can get to break free. Shadows (literal and figurative) gets engulfed in darkness. My shadow lets me know where I need light, and I am much grateful for that.


Published in: on December 11, 2015 at 4:42 am  Comments (1)  
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This is a followup to the post, crazy or autism spectrum – Emperor’s robe redefined.

A fellow wordpresser, Jan, in her blog, Looking at life as a virtual game, has been mentioning the Words of William. I purchased the book, fascinated as I am by the uniqueness of each individual and I thought “here’s another specimen of humanity – unique or one of a kind? Let me check” as I bought the book.

Thanks to William, I thought its time I at least attempted to word my thoughts about alienese, which is my coined word for the language that is unique to an individual before conforming to any society-formulated language(like English, French, whatever). Its a preverbal language of a person by which he/she makes sense of the world he/she comes to inhabit, and as one makes sense of the circumstances into which one is born (read society, culture, religion, geographical or nation-al expectations, etc) by dashing the dots, one begins to formulate ones own Theory of Everything in ones own vocabulary, which essentially is ones own version of alienese, which is most likely to be different from another’s alienese (here my coined word, alienese, is from my personal vocabulary and helps me make sense of the world and everything there is). In my opinion, it is because of this difference between one person’s theory of everything from another’s that two people look at the same event and have two different interpretations of what happened and different insights therefrom. Schizoprenia is said to be a condition where a person’s comprehensive understanding of the world and everything there is (that person’s Theory of Everything) gets shaken or fragmented and the person has awry associations.

Have you tried to describe, say, a child’s smile and either failed or had difficulty finding words to describe even though you had a clear set of images/sensations/thoughts that rushed into your head but just did not find the words for expression? You now probably have an inchoate idea of what I mean by alienese.

Further, when you happen to meet another person who seems to have your version of alienese, it is something like what happens in this video, where the sea walrus thinks the man is just the same (species perhaps) as itself only looks different for some reason.

(Reference also Individual in a crowd)

I am coming out!

…like from an egg ! (duh…and you thought something else?)

I have heard the phrase ‘coming out’ so often these days that it cannot not take on a life of its own, as such things probably happen in any system once something has been around for long enough. I seem to be ‘coming out’ in some ways just from being around in some spaces…sort of like once the stress of the space gets ‘tight’ enough that one needs to take a stand one way or the other and pop ‘comes out’ the stand for it can no longer take what it is not. I guess the trick is in sticking around long enough in any space until something gives way or something clarifies…and then one has a sort of better understanding of oneself and others, I guess.

I, in the attempt to get a picture that would probably ‘speak a thousand words’ without me having to write too much, tried Google Pictures and it seems that ‘coming out’ has just one meaning (at least thats what it seems like from the search), but ‘coming out’ can be anything, even something as simple as say, ‘I am a veggie in a tribe of cannibals’ (howzzat for dramatic effect?!). And I had to put in this second paragraph just so the message I thought worth putting out there does not get lost in just one color of what ‘coming out’ could mean. I think disambiguation is an important part of communication. I must be growing up.

Published in: on August 29, 2015 at 4:46 pm  Leave a Comment  
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A letter from Santa

I found this letter I somehow came around to writing, stacked away amongst my stuff in the attic. It was written to my ‘Angel’ during a game of Secret Santa. I wonder if it was really me who wrote it.

“Dear XXX:

By the time you read this letter, Secret Santa, the game of make-believe as you know it, would have come to a close and you would recognize YYY (author) to be the one who has been gifting you.

While you are still relating to YYY (author) as Santa, I thought I will leave you a message. You have been a good fellow these many years and I think it is about time we got reconnected.

I want you to consider that this game of Secret Santa has been going on since a very, very long time; in fact, ever since the time you stopped believing in me, Santa Claus. You see, for the little boy that you were all those years ago, a secret gift under a Christmas tree worked well enough. You were trusting, curious, and willing to believe in magic. As you grew up, you became more skeptical and started analyzing things, and became less willing to believe in magic, and so magic stopped being magic anymore, and with that you stopped believing in me. Yet, I have continued to gift you secretly though you may not have recognized me.

You see, the Santa with the beard, red overalls, big bag with lots of gifts on a reindeer does not work for the grown up boys and girls. At some point they all stop believing, just as you stopped believing. So, I spread myself out. I no more limited myself to just Christmas time, Christians, nighttime or to a particular body type! YYY (author) happens to be the one who picked the piece of paper with your name on it, so I took her image to give you my message in a game that is incidentally called Secret Santa! 🙂

I want you to consider that everything and everybody around you is both real as well as an image, an illusion as well as reality – a medium through which you receive messages specific to you that you most need to receive. I have been around you all these years, and have been gifting you through one or the other image – sometimes as one of your family, sometimes as your friend, you colleague, your neighbor, sometimes as a stranger on the street, sometimes in the form of a book, a sign on a billboard, a quote in a newspaper. You may not have recognized me, but surely you would know my gifts, for they are the ones you have most hoped for or most needed at a point in time. The gift may have been a little clue that guided you to something you most hoped to reach, maybe a little sign about future happenings that only you recognized for what it is, maybe an affirmation to ease you out of a doubt about something, maybe opened up a world for you with new possibilities. My gifts are usually a little magic at an unexpected time!

Hope you have enjoyed my gifts thus far.

I am always there around you. You just need to intuitively recognize me. Your five senses have a certain limit beyond which they cannot see/hear/feel/taste/smell. You have to go beyond them to be able to ‘see,’ ‘hear,’ ‘feel,’ ‘taste,’ ‘smell,’…in short, sense the big picture of what you call as reality is, and to know the illusion that it all also is. I exist in the world that is beyond your five senses. So, develop skills to know that world.

Happy learning! Happy discoveries!



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